Next Time I Fall by Jeff Erno

Author:Jeff Erno [Erno, Jeff]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Ai Press
Published: 2017-09-17T23:00:00+00:00

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Thursday afternoon Steve stayed at the church after Bible school and the potluck, made sure all the cleanup was complete, then took a seat in the sanctuary at one of the rear pews. He savored the brief solitude as he waited until seven o’clock, the scheduled time for youth group. They’d be using the church van to take the kids miniature golfing.

With his Bible beside him on the seat, he looked up toward the altar and envisioned himself behind the pulpit. The surreal moment nearly overwhelmed him as he recalled another time, long ago, when he’d stared up at the pulpit as a small boy. This sanctuary was much larger than his small hometown church, which as a child had felt huge. He knew then that one day he’d be on the other side of that podium, preaching the Word of God. Now here he was, his childhood dream a reality, and it felt as if his world was crumbling.

Something had to give. He found himself at a crossroads, and he had to make a decision which direction to continue. One way would require that he abandon his past and rediscover himself. His dream of becoming a pastor would change, possibly morph into a nightmare. The other option would require he deny a part of himself he had just acknowledged and was beginning to discover.

Last night after he’d left Eric’s porch, he’d come home and re-read the six passages in the Bible that were universally used to condemn homosexuality. Was it possible the church had gotten it wrong? Had they been teaching something all these years that didn’t quite sync with what the scriptures actually said?

The church argued that the commandment couldn’t be any clearer. Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind. It is an abomination. But was that even the issue? Steve hadn’t lain with anyone, male or female. To him, it wasn’t about behavior. It was about his identity. As natural as the changing of his voice and the development of his body from a boy to a man, his attractions had manifested. They’d never presented themselves as a choice. They were just there. They existed within him.

But the church would argue, he still had to choose his behavior. All people faced temptation to sin. Some were more inclined to specific sins than others, but it still was their responsibility to obey God, no matter how challenging it might seem. Just because you felt like doing something didn’t make it right in the eyes of God.

The irony wasn’t lost on Steve. First God created man, but because man disobeyed God, He created Hell to where He condemned man for disobedience. Then He offered an escape route, salvation through His Son, Jesus Christ, but some of the humans He’d created, just by their identity, were unworthy of this salvation. Why? Why would God do this? Why would He condemn homosexuality after having created so many people who were gay?

Maybe the real choice wasn’t whether to sin or not to sin.

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